Everything grows rounder and wider and weirder, and I sit here in the middle of it all and wonder who in the world you will turn out to be. ~ Carrie Fisher
Imagine you are in a very small and never updated dressing room at Macy’s. The lighting is bad, the carpet is pretty gross, a person wearing a size 4 would have a hard time turning around without crashing into a door, small stool or mirror. You’d be cranky. Now imagine you are doing it while 18 weeks pregnant. It was without a doubt the worst shopping trip of my life – and I didn’t even attempt to purchase a maternity bathing suit!
A few questions: (1) Why do designers of maternity clothes believe that the more patterns and frills the better? Am I not big enough already? I need crazy strips and ruffles to help enhance my look? (2) Why is it nearly impossible to find a one piece maternity bathing suit? Why do you want to show more of your pregnant body to the world? Especially when you are see through pale like me.
Everyone discusses the “joys” of pregnancy. I read about – and personally know! – women who have LOVED being pregnant. I don’t understand it. I love the idea of being a mom, I love knowing that I am bringing a child into the world. I don’t love being pregnant. I don’t even like it. Once I got past the 16-hour a day nausea I moved into exhaustion. Now I am in heartburn and dizziness. I pee a dozen times a day. My breasts which were previously just fine but not particularly spectacular are now taking over my body. I’ll be 6-8 months pregnant at the height of the summer. So on top of everything else I’ll be sweaty and cranky. Not to mention the fact that on a daily basis strangers like to discuss my pregnancy, offer unsolicited advice and touch my stomach. What is joyous about all of this? I just don’t know.
Don’t get me wrong – I am incredibly grateful to be pregnant. After a previous ectopic pregnancy and months of trying I am so blessed to be expecting a child that appears to be healthy. I am healthy. My husband is a saint. We have ordered cute nursery furniture and my family is planning what promises to be a beautiful shower. All good things. It is just the day-to-day that throws me.
Carrie Fisher’s quote is perfect. Last night as I debated what I could have for dinner that would cause the least heartburn and I sat upright so as not to increase dizziness by standing or laying down for too long I debated names with my husband and I found myself wondering what my future child will be – a professor and writer like me, an engineer like my husband, a professional athlete, a social worker, a thinker, a doctor, etc. I don’t really care what he or she does as long as they are good people and their lives make them happy. I want my son or daughter to be open-minded, loving, compassionate people who work hard and dream big.
I just need to get through the next four and half months first…..